Continuation

Ministry houses.

Like I said, I loved living with a bunch of like-minded people. They were my best friends and the people with whom I spent the most time. 

The problems were/are...

1) Very little boundaries. 

2) Very little ownership.

3) Too much interdependence, creating lack of self.

I could go on and on. The reason why I am blogging is to simply sort the many thoughts and opinions I have. This will most likely help no one but myself. 

Let's start with boundaries. 

You're encouraged to share everything with your roommates and women in your bible study and in a timely manner. Especially your discipler and especially if its sin related. In ministry houses this can feel and be tricky. What if a new girl moves in you've never met before, or if you simply don't feel comfortable with a roommate. 

It didn't matter. Why? Because you should be secure in your relationship with God. Because you need to be accountable for your issues and sins so that nothing is hidden. 

The intentions are not bad. BUT, I do argue that the practice of sharing every issue with everyone, despite who they are, is concerning. I have many reasons. 

For one, I think many people drawn to this type of church are NOT secure in their relationship with God and even more so their relationship with themselves. When it is encouraged to be open and lack boundaries with even close friends, it creates a co-dependence. Which inhibits the person's ability to grow and learn from their past and present struggles. 

Let's discuss lacking ownership.

When there is a culture of co-dependence, then you can easily blame your issues on other's and many times only see issues if someone else is bringing them up. You have very little ability to be alone. The co-dependence creates an encompassing dependence on one another, yet you get so used to depending on people that when those people leave or let you down, you are left with very little tools to pick up the pieces. For example, if you've been living in a house where one person is choosing where you live, what room you live in, who your bunking with, what your rent will be, what day you will do chores etc... and then they are gone and you're suddenly in charge of all of that (even though many minor things) it can be quite devastating to figure it out. 

I think if you are college-age and older you need to be taught responsibility and ownership for your actions and belongings. 

Let's discuss having a lack of self.

This is closely tied to my first two points. If you are too dependent on others and lack ownership, are you really a person? Can you feel free to express your feelings, opinions, and interests if they are not aligned with the groups? You must suppress your true self in order to be accepted into a group that desperately wants your participation and in exchange for that consistent participation you get affirmation. Many times affirmation that was always lacking from either within or from the deepest relationships you've ever had in the past. 

To be continued