Reconstructing my faith (My concerns pt. 1)

 The weird things I mentioned previously concerning my time in my previous church, have me still concerned. First, these things have not changed at all since I've left even amidst major criticism. Second, there are still many people I care about deeply invested in the church.

I want to discuss what I think is the most controversial issue. Ministry houses.  A network of homes leased by college students or young adults who are in active ministry. Not anyone can move it, it is for those who are committed to attending the meetings, discipleship, and abstaining from worldly pleasures.

I believe that when you are young it can be extremely beneficial to move out and live with roommates. It can be a very teachable time and helpful for learning life skills, especially if you go on to get married and have children. 

I believe that many people who have lived in ministry houses have benefitted from them. I did. I learned how to live with many different types of people. I learned a lot about patience and conflict resolution. I also had a lot of fun. I would stay up late and hang out with friends, do stupid things, and laugh till I cried. I felt extremely close to people and loved never feeling alone.

My own experience does not negate the many concerns that have come to the forefront from many external sources. It wasn't all wonderful for me either. By the time I was older and told that I could "lead" the ministry house, I realized that the younger girls heavily depend on these house leaders. Where they would sleep, how much rent they would pay, even depending on them for where they would live and if they would need to move. It was hierarchical. I made it to the top but was still very much at the bottom in my group as a whole. I began to feel these pressure of making sure the girls in my house were on their game. I would be asked about the girls and their personal lives frequently. 

I would be invited to leader's meetings to divulge information to the leaders, none of whom lived in the house. At the end of the day, I was the one blamed for our house not growing in numbers and the girls not flourishing spiritually. It was on me. I had failed.

I am not being entirely dramatic. I loved leading the younger girls, it was fulfilling in many ways and my personal strengths are relational and empathy driven.  

I did not love the pressure to perform or the judgement on me for not performing the way I was "supposed to". 


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